Shinigami Planet
by Bloodypleasures
Summary: Because we all love television. Especially if it features Hitsugaya :D Warning: Camera crack. Slight MatsumotoxHitsugaya.


**Maybe the last few ones were rushed :O Don't hate me for that.  
I don't own Bleach and any of these shows T.T  
Enjoy!**

**Shinigami Planet**

Hitsugaya Toushirou was now, after all those years, whether it was his fault or not, positive that his fukutaichou had gone insane.

A week ago, he had sent Matsumoto to the real world to do some report on the unusual growth of spiritual pressure. Of course he had known nothing would be done, so imagine he was mildly surprised she actually handed in one sheet.

But that was beside the point.

Apparently, she stayed with Inoue Orihime, and he half expected her to come home with food poisoning. What she came home with was much, much worse.

"Taichou~" She squealed. "Smile for the camera!" She was leaning over his desk and bobbing this machine she called a camera up and down.

Hitsugaya completely ignores her and keeps his eyes firmly on the paperwork in front of him. He got distracted once Matsumoto's chest covered the papers. Annoyed, he looked up and found the camera almost pressed to his face.

"Say something!"

"Go away."

Matsumoto pouted and pressed some button. The camera made a weird noise and the thing on the front moved a little. "Wow, you got nice eyes taicho!"

Hitsugaya closed his eyes in a vain attempt to not snap at her. If that thing was what she told him, then he rather not have any embarrassing moments captured on it…

**Day 1**

"Hihihi…" Was heard lightly as Matsumoto crept through the halls of Tenth division's quarters. She should remember to cook Orihime's favourite as a thanks. This camera was divine!

Quietly she sneaked into a room and didn't bother to close the door. And she might need to make a quick escape anyway. She dropped the camera to her hip a little and tentatively listened for sounds. Good. Her taichou was showering. Oh, this was the best!

Like a cat she moved about until she reached the bathroom. It wasn't locked! This was her lucky day, it had to be! Matsumoto slipped open the door very softly and hid her reiatsu real good. Just a few more steps…

"MATSUMOTO!"

She squealed when she was faced with a very angry looking Hitsugaya, with only a towel in front of his business. For a moment she stared – he sure did grow. Oh yeah… Run.

"Come back here!" Hitsugaya yelled when Matsumoto turned on her heel and sped out of his quarters, hoping he wouldn't follow. Unfortunately, he did. Not only that, but of course her taichou was quicker than her. She yelped girlishly when she got rammed from behind and fell on the ground face-flat, keeping her camera up to save it any damage. She tried to scramble up but was kept down fiercely. "Taichou!" She squeaked when she saw the white mass of hair and arms sticking out to grab the camera. He glared at her. "Give. Me. That. Thing."

Matsumoto looked at him and couldn't help but think that he looked horribly cute. "Naah." She declined before trying to squirm out of his grip, hoping he wouldn't use any kidou.

"Matsumoto!" He yelled again, trying to crawl his way up. He yanked at her arms harshly and Matsumoto yelped, knowing she had to fight back for the sake of all cameras. She used advantage of her height and pushed him over with her legs, trying to dispose him of her. Hitsugaya's head temporarily ended up in Matsumoto's rack, but he didn't seem very fazed by that as he nearly growled and pushed her on her back again.

"Give it here!" He ordered and Matsumoto stuck out her tongue, pushing him over again and trying to keep the camera out of his reach. "But taichou! I love it!" She shrieks when his fingers touched the camera briefly. He growled and sat up when she was on her back again.

"Sit upon the frozen heavens…" There was really just one way to stop him, wasn't there?! Matsumoto's brains worked over hours – something they rarely did – and she threw himself on him before he could freeze the poor, poor camera (who, mind you, captured the entire scene) and gave him a wet kiss right on his lips, leaving him completely oblivious to the just abandoned towel. She grinned at his shocked expression and used this opportunity to jump up and running away while keeping her poor taichou in screen.

"…Matsumoto!!!"

**Day 2**

Matsumoto felt she had to take vengeance. Yesterday night, her taichou forced her to remove the pretty exciting film she took of him and the scene after. And there would be paperwork.

But she had to have some footage to show Orihime!

"Trust me, nothing will go wrong!" Matsumoto said to Momo who looked at the camera. Oh yes, Matsumoto _will _take vengeance.

"You only need to direct it to me. Nothing more!"

Momo sighed and nodded, taking the camera. "I suppose I can." She gave in and Matsumoto grinned widely. "Let's go!" She squealed, taking Momo's hand and running to sixth squad's grounds. Her prey would be Renji. Because, Renji wouldn't mind it. She was sure of that, she could even tell Renji what to do!

"Hai, taichou!"

Matsumoto froze on her way to Renji's office and looked to her left sharply. Kuchiki Byakuya-taichou? Momo waited for Matsumoto with a confused and slightly nervous glance in her eyes, but she'd always help her friend.

And Matsumoto just had a better, way better idea.

You see, when she was in the real world, she spent a lot of time with her friend Orihime. Simply put, they shared each other interests and they were both good cooks! Matsumoto could easily compare herself to Orihime, knowing they had to be reincarnated twins.

Anyway, at her time there, she figured out the television. You had some music channels, some movie channels, but the most important subject of this day were the documentary channels.

Especially… Animal Planet.

Every day before dinner, Matsumoto would be glued to the television watching the great crocodile hunter, Steve Irwin. She felt deeply sad when Orihime told her this fantastic man had died in an accident, and felt she had to do something to lighten both her and Orihime's sadness. That would be, an oath to the man.

Set on the thought, Matsumoto casually walked over to Kuchiki-taichou, who just seemed to notice her while he walked back. Seeing he didn't stop to greet her – that would scare her – Matsumoto stopped right in front of him and caught his attention with a cat-like grin.

Momo gulped but directed the camera on the two Shinigami in front of her, trying not to look at the cold look of sixth squad's Taichou.

Once Momo pressed the button Matsumoto told her to, said strawberry blonde came into action. Kuchiki-Taichou, who had wanted to ask for an explanation, only widened his eyes a tiny little bit when Matsumoto jumped a meter away from him and bobbed her head up and down.

"CRIKEY! Come closer, mate!" She cautiously took a step forward and a giggle coming from Momo could be heard.

"Look at the fine, sharp jawbone and features! Ready to attack his futile prey any moment, as it lures in the dark…"

Kuchiki-taichou raised an eyebrow. It would be possible this woman had too many alcohol, seeing her reputation. He had to admit that he respected Hitsugaya-taichou. Even with his appearance, he seemed to have no problem handling such a troubling woman. Fortunately for Kuchiki-taichou, he had a willing fukutaichou who, although he might have an inferiority complex, always did what he was ordered to.

"Ah yes, yes! A real Kuchiki! And not just any Kuchiki, the real Byakuya!" She dared call him by his first name? Kuchiki-taichou had to remember her where her place was, if this continued any longer.

"I'd never thought I'd live the day to see such a magnificent creature! Look at the way he does not move, waiting for any movement to react one…" Matsumoto made a fatal mistake, as she took another step closer and reached out for the sixth division's taichou. And not just anywhere, seeing her hand was slowly itching her way to his beloved scarf. How dare she?

"Scatter…" He murmured low enough for her to hear and Matsumoto squealed, touching the scarf anyway.

"RUN MOMO!"

**Day 3**

"Rangiku-san, I don't think this is the best idea! Tobiume is worried about my health!" Momo said worriedly when Rangiku dragged her to first division's quarters.

"Aw, it will be all right! No need to worry. Besides, we got off pretty well last time, didn't we?"

Momo didn't respond and thought back about yesterday's horrified events. Never does she want to see Senbonzakura from that close again.

"Just stay behind me and point the camera to me!" Matsumoto repeats before Sasakibe-fukutaichou led her into the building, eyeing her suspiciously. By now, someone must have reported her actions of this week.

He knocked on the door and a faint 'Hai' told the girls they were to enter. With a smile Matsumoto burst into the room and Momo quickly followed, apologetically smiling at Sasakibe-san who only sighed.

"Good morning, sir!" Matsumoto cheerily said and Yamamoto-taicho nodded.

"Good morning, Matsumoto-fukutaicho. What can I do for you?"

Matsumoto promptly walked to stand in front of him and put her hands behind her back in hopes for good luck. "Can I have a few minutes of your time?" She asked, while Momo quietly run over to see Matsumoto better.

"Why, yes you can. Troubled Shinigami's can always come to me for help." Yamamoto-taichou replied and Matsumoto looked into the camera. "How generous!" She turned to face her former occupant again. "Now, sir, I'd like to ask you some questions."

"Go ahead." Yamamoto-taichou approved.

Matsumoto cleared her throat gently. This was of course, one of the other things she discovered on Orihime's television. Due to it's useful footage, she thought she should do it with everyone, just to gain information. She'd like to know a thing or two from Kurosaki Ichigo… And she was sure Orihime would want to too. This was, put in two words, a talk show. "How is it like to be old?"

Momo kept in a surprised snort.

"By all means, I am not old yet. I feel perfectly young!" Yamamoto-taichou exclaimed politely and Matsumoto looked at Momo again. "Such confidence!"

Meanwhile, Momo already did her prayers. She never really followed a conversation with Yamamoto-taichou and therefore didn't know if he had a temper…

"How is your relationship with your fukutaichou?"

"Sasakibe-san and I have a perfect relationship. Although we sometimes quarrel about the Western culture, we have our understanding." Matsumoto raised an eyebrow and kept in an idiotic comment, nodding at the man.

"Next, about all the events occurring in Seireitei lately… how do you feel about them?"

"That information I cannot disclose."

"…Really?"

"Yes."

"…Really, really?"

The man only looked at her. Matsumoto pouted. "I'd really like to know?"

"Don't push it," Momo whispered inaudibly.

"Next then," Matsumoto took a deep breath to continue her first question when… "Matsumoto!"

"Taichou~"

"Shiro-chan?"

**Day 4**

"So, if I do this, it'll be your treat Friday?" Shuuhei said, raising an eyebrow at Matsumoto's unusual offer. Matsumoto nodded. "And all I need to do is learn these sentences?" Another nod. "And what you say?" Another nod. "That can't be too hard."

Matsumoto squealed and started the camera, recapping what happened the two days before. She was going to show them to Orihime, so they needed to be perfect! And her taichou would eventually laugh about them too, right? She hoped he would.

An hour later – that was the time Matsumoto gave Shuuhei to learn the few sentences – she dragged him with her to the third divisions training grounds. Okay, so maybe today's show was a little childish, but Matsumoto loved those things too! There were many things she loved.

"It's a wild Izuru!" She yelled out, moving the camera quickly to the blonde fukutaichou. Izuru spun around wildly at the sudden sound and frowned at Matsumoto. "Rangiku? What are you doing?"

"Shuuhei, attack!"

Shuuhei made a comical roaring sound and jumped forward to Izuru (to whom Shuuhei appeared out of thin air) and tried to tackle him. Izuru quickly stepped aside and wore a shocked expression.

Matsumoto waited but Izuru just stood there, frowning as the other two fukutaichou's seemed to stare at him. Matsumoto grinned. "Izuru's attack failed! My turn! Shuuhei, thunder shock!"

"The hell?" Shuuhei called and Matsumoto remembered that was an _other _Pokemon.

"Shuuhei, cut!"

With a shout he unsheathed his zanpakutou and ran over to Izuru, who quickly unsheathed his own too to block an attack. "Shuuhei-san! What are you doing?" Izuru called out, nervous and slightly worried for his friend's health. Shuuhei, who totally got into his role, growled animalistic and lashed out again. Matsumoto bit her lip to keep in laughter, seeing this was not even close to the actual fight she saw between Bellsprout and Golduck. She tried her best to keep the camera still…

Suddenly, she felt a slight tug at her sleeve. "What are you doing, Matsumoto-fukutaichou?" Kuchiki Rukia asked, obviously confused at the actions of the two Shinigami in front of her. Matsumoto grinned widely.

"A WILD RUKIA APPEARED!" She shrieked and Shuuhei left Izuru quickly. "Shuuhei, scratch!"

"What the-?!"

**Day 5**

"Aw, check this out!" Matsumoto whispered and she waved at the current camera wielder, Kotetsu Isane. "Woah, y'all need to look at this fine specimen!" Matsumoto continued in a poorly done Australian accent. We could've only hoped for another oath to Steve Irwin, and Matsumoto Rangiku liked to please her viewers.

"Now now, be quiet!" She ordered when Isane got near and pushed the camera closer for a better view. These cameras were wondrous; maybe she should tell her taichou about it…

"This nice creature likes to sleep all day, yes, very lazy that is, and often drinks intoxicated things… but when he's awake, he's very dangerous!" Matsumoto declared, pointing behind her. Isane moved to camera towards Kyoraku-taichou's direction. Well, Matsumoto was right; Isane didn't want him to wake up.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Matsumoto pulled out a large wooden sword. She grinned widely. "Now folks, let's see if we can stir him." Isane's eyes widened. Oh please no!

Matsumoto poked him. And poked him. Poke. Isane slowly stepped backwards, hoping she didn't accidentally lock the door or something. Yes, it was true, Kuchiki-taichou was much more fearful when waken up. But Kyoraku-taichou… according to Nanao he wasn't that pleasant either when woken up. And Isane could just imagine what the old, perverted taichou could be up to.

"Come, come!" Matsumoto whispered when Kyoraku-taichou stirred and brought his head up from his desk, unfortunately, staring right into Matsumoto's well-endowed chest.

"Ho ho ho…" He said, immediately not sleepy anymore. "Hello there, Rangiku-san…"

Isane blinked. Where was Matsumoto?

"Run for your privacy!"

And she turned around to see the blonde running out of the hallway.

"Good morning, Isane-chan..."

**Day 6**

It was well known that Matsumoto was not prude. She could easily watch a porn movie and not be affected by it. With that in mind, random people would think she was manipulative and had many men. This too, did not affect Matsumoto. So, let them think she was a filthy word. As long as her friends were her friends, she did not mind.

But, even her friends, would never really notice if she was in love or not. Because she always acted bubbly around him, even before she noticed the fuzzy feeling in her stomach. Only she knew, and only she will ever know. She wouldn't want him to worry about it.

Even Orihime would not think anything of this short video she made. Well, she couldn't help it once Taichou declared he was going out for some practice to clear his mind. Matsumoto very well knew he would practice without a shirt if he sparred alone or with Hyourinmaru.

If only he could do that with their combats too. Matsumoto sighed pleasantly and watched her Taichou move about, determent to keep this footage and watch it a lot.

Yes, it was true. True and scandalous. Matsumoto was in love with her Taichou. It didn't even matter he was tiny or grumpy, he was just so cute! And underneath all that glaring and stiff behaviour there was a sweet guy, she knew it. Why else would he give in to her requests and do her paperwork when she didn't show up? When a fukutaichou doesn't deliver paperwork in time they would still have three days, and else they would have to face the consequences. But her taichou always did her work. Sometimes, Matsumoto felt sorry, and she'd do as much paperwork as she could. But for her own and her taichou's sake, she didn't do too much, knowing it would be too much of a change if she would.

Matsumoto snorted. This was turning into a soap! She hated those. Always turned them off when Orihime happened to cross one.

She giggled as Taichou practiced around with Hyourinmaru, improving his sense of directions and hitting targets in the middle.

"I know you're there," Hitsugaya calls out annoyed and Matsumoto eeps loudly, jumping up in reflex and staring at her taichou. He glared at her once he saw the camera in her hand.

"Wanna do an interview?"

"No."

"I could let videos of you half naked go around Seireitei too."

"You've tried that before, Matsumoto."

Darn! That's right! She indeed tried it before, but before the papers go around Seireitei they come across inspection – where Hitsugaya was waiting.

"Aww, please do an interview or something?"

"Matsumoto."

"I know! Strip tease!"

Hitsugaya's brow furrowed and he closed his eyes in anger. Matsumoto was about to purr a little and drive him mad (mad enough to agree) when someone suddenly appeared.

"Did someone say strip tease?" Kyoraku-taichou said cheerily.

**Day 10**

Matsumoto snickered. She didn't care she wasn't quiet, since her taichou gave up long time ago. Along the way she decided she had done enough oaths to Steve Irwin (She had versions of most taichous! Buy, lol?), and seeing she wasn't to return to the real world for a week she decided to just capture her taichou's life for the time being.

Up to him leaving for his quarters, him coming out of his quarters, him eating, him drinking, him doing paperwork, him doing naps, him training, him reading, him talking, him walking over to first division for meetings, him eating candy, him ordering watermelon, him glaring at the camera, him glaring at Matsumoto, him glaring at Momo, him trying to get rid of the candy Ukitake-taichou gave him and last but not least, him snoring.

_Snoring._

She knew her taichou would easily sleep through her mindless giggles, so she could giggle aloud at the current scene. You know those tales – children will grow if they sleep enough? Of course her sweet Taichou tried that out (she'd do too if she was him). And he never really snored, no. But she guessed he was pretty tired or worn out.

So he snored.

Hehehehehe…

**Day 18**

"I'm off to the real world, taichou!" Matsumoto called and she looked in to the office to see nobody there. She frowned and shrugged, leaving a note and walking over to her quarters. She'd have to take money, the camera, some clothes…

Upon entering her room, she gasped.

Hitsugaya looked at her darkly and she swore she heard a low, dangerous chuckle as he handed her the camera. Well, parts of the camera.

* * *

**Poor Matsumoto :D Hope you liked it :D**


End file.
